by Jack Elias
I was particularly struck by the disabling hypnotic power unleashed by the unwitting imprecise use of language in a family session recently. Each member sincerely expressed that they wanted peace and even gave a brief explanation of why they valued it. But they were in my office because they did not have peace and were constantly fighting.
Wanting vs. Having -- I hear it from almost every client, but hearing it from all these people at once somehow made it a fresh new phenomenon. This is one way I like to look at the problem:
1) Our subconscious mind is always listening, especially to what we say to ourselves over and over. The subconscious mind's intention is to take care of us, but, sadly, it will follow our insistent commands even if they lead to suffering
2) For the conscious mind to want something (an inner quality or state, not a physical object) like peace, the subconscious mind first has to deny the conscious mind access to it. This typically has happened long ago in our childhood.
3) But when the conscious mind notices the quality is absent and thinks, "I want peace," the subconscious mind notices the conscious mind's interest in wanting and, in order to accommodate the conscious mind's wanting to want, the subconscious mind continues to deny access to peace (in this example) so the conscious mind can keep wanting. (You might want to read this a few times.)
4) When we stop wanting and start acting as if we have it, the subconscious mind notices our interest in having and stops denying access to the experience of the inner quality, in this example, peace. The subconscious mind aims to please!! It knows you have to feel the quality in order to really enjoy the actions that go with the quality, so it plugs you in!
This game of the mind would be funny if it didn't cause us so much pain. To get unstuck from the game we must act in accordance with having the quality because this instructs the subconscious mind to activate the quality -- to give it to us.
Every time a potentially irritating situation came up for these family members, they chose to act in hostile ways triggered by irritation, all the while wanting peace with greater and greater frustration. To have peace, they have to stop wanting it, and act as if they have peace. A good way to accomplish this is to ask oneself, "What would I say or do right now if I was perfectly at peace?"
We have been subtly hypnotized to believe that we can't act contrary to our feeling state -- we can't act, or even shouldn't, act kindly if we don't feel kindness. Makes sense to most of us, but it actually puts the cart before the horse.
The quickest and best way to access an inner quality or feeling state is to think and act in ways you would if you did have it because that let's your subconscious mind know you want it!
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